The Gentlemen Revolutionaries

Dedicated to the Preservation of the First Amendment

Location: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Lord Xenu calling in reinforcements!

Well ladies and gentlemen, our great Lord Xenu has issued a decree that he needs reinforcements in his battle against scientology. Forbes' has rated Tom Cruise the most powerful in their annual Celebrity 100 Power List. This list is made by the scientific method of their pay rate in combination with "buzz" about them. Apparently negative buzz makes you more powerful... must be a scientology thing. Now, what I really want to know is that if Tom Cruise is the most powerful, then where the hell does that leave John Travolta? No offense to you Cruise fans out there, but Travolta would fuck Tom Cruise up if put in that situation. I mean, you guys saw Phenomenon right? Travolta could totally make Cruise's head explode into a pile of steaming green goo. Why green, you ask? Oh, you mean, you didnt know? Scientology requires that you get your brain replaced with a bright green orb which they refer to as their personal mother board. This way Lord Xenu can communicate privately to all scientologists across the world (their world stretches only across Beverly Hills).

I'm surprised you didnt know that.


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