The Gentlemen Revolutionaries

Dedicated to the Preservation of the First Amendment

Location: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

The day after tomorrow

So a statement I have made may be confusing some of you. In my away message last night, and today, I claimed that I “owned” the State of the Union Address. I did not mean this to imply that I had conquered the address but rather that I truly do own it. It will soon be in my possession and I will be the only holder of all rights. So now you are asking “how did you get the State of the Union Address?” Well obviously I bought it on Ebay from a seller named FuturePresOfTexas at about 10 last night. I know this guy is legit because he has a very high seller rating. First he sold the Texas Rangers! That’s right! A whole baseball team! It looks like he also sold the rights of the American people! OHHH ok lots of setup for a really stupid joke I know.

So my assault on the Right is done, time to take on the Left. The venerable institution that is the Village Voice has published their rebuttal to the State of the Union, and may I say, [heavy sarcasm] BRAVO! Wow, you guys hit the criticism right on the head! Saying that he is the son of a former President and that is the only reason we are listening to him- FANTASTIC. You guys (and gals, how dare I be sexist when speaking of the Village Voice) are so amazingly skillful at reporting the story and offering helpful solutions to the Left’s difficulties in conquering the Right. [/heavy sarcasm] I hope that it is clear to you that your constant “my daddy is a Republican and I hate him so I hate Democrats” bitching is getting you and your cause no where. I am not criticizing the Voice for its agenda (though I find it troubling that something that pretends to be a legitimate news outlet that is OWNED BY THE NEW YORK TIMES has a blatant political preference) but I am criticizing it for lacking the ability to communicate its agenda. I have yet to read a Voice article that is not a tantrum about how evil the Right is and how stupid Americans are. I understand, things suck right now if you are on the left (therefore I think things suck pretty much 50% of the time) and you are getting fed up by it, however, there are much more productive ways to achieve what needs to be achieved. Here is a quick lesson:

Method one (the Village Voice’s current method):
OMG Pres. (fake pres cuz he stoled the election) Bush totally suxorz and is only there cause his daddy was all like “run for da pres my son.” We should like totally beat him next time.

Method two (my suggested method):
Though the President appears to be making a move to the center in order to attempt to secure 2006 for the Republicans, one must note that his ethanol plan is, most likely, too little too late. Without a major commitment from both sides this plan will never get off the ground and will never make a difference. We must say, however, that we encourage those on the Left to participate with the President in this plan. Let us put party politics aside and make ethanol a priority so that we can finally make a substantial gain in cleaning up our planet. As for the effect this will have on the midterm elections? Perhaps it is time we run our own campaign rather than being reactionaries to the issues that the Right presents.

This may not be perfect, but I think it may accomplish a tad bit more than is being accomplished now. Maybe the Village Voice should log on to do some online shopping too. I hear Amazon is offering a “buy a clue and get one free” deal.


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